Me too.
Every time. Anytime God asks me to do something, I am immediately thrown into this mind battle where I am choosing between my own comfort and not stepping out in faith, and trusting God, taking a deep breath and that first step...
I am trying to get used to the fear that creeps into my heart as soon as God guides me to his will. The only thing that helps me move forward, is remembering that when I DO choose to trust him and do the crazy thing he's telling me, I experience a waterfall of blessings that I can't begin to describe. Then, I start to realize what faith is. Then I start to realize what my life should be about. Then I see who God is.
For instance, the first time God told me to go to Mexico with friends to an orphanage. I loved that God would ask! Then I was freaked! And stressed! "No God, this is too stressful, what if everyone hates it, what if we all die in gun fire, what if I can't organize everyone and everything, what if..."
Well, God kept pressing it on my heart, despite my fussing, and on the way home from Mexico, every single one of us felt dirty, sweaty, and like we had the best, most blessed and fun day of our lives. We were filled up with the good things in this world, we were filled up with God. We were forever changed. And I was afraid of what?
So then this other time, this past summer, He asked me to lead a high school bible study. "Great Idea!" I first thought! Then, while driving to meet the youth pastor a couple days after I sent my inquiry email, I realized God had made a mistake!!!! A HORRIBLE MISTAKE! How could he ask me to do this!?? I don't have time for this, nor do I even want to! I don't know these girls, I don't know what to say to them, and I'm pretty sure I am feeling nauseous right now! (none of this is an exaggeration of how I was feeling on my way to Starbucks. And can I just say I am usually never an anxious person, I mean, never, which is why this is so strange.)
Well, I made that meeting. I said I might want 9th grade, she said she needed me in 11th. Before the first night of bible study, I was pretty sure I couldn't do this, and even more sure that I didn't even like high schoolers.
Fast forward six months to tonight. Two of my amazing, beautiful girls just left my house after dinner with Andrew and I, while we discussed God, His goodness, how they want to serve him in their lives, and how we can serve him in our group. We decided to;
1. Organize and take little lunch sacks of food, toiletries and bible verses to some of the mexican immigrants in need of work.
2. Serve a meal at "Bread of Life" soup kitchen next month
3. And lastly, fund raise, for the adoption fund of Sasha. Who is Sasha? Check him out, this little boy is in great need of help! We're thinking of doing candy sales, and anything else we can think of! (If you have an idea, please share!)
http://www.reecesrainbow.com/newsite/waitingchildgallery.html
Go to children 0-2, and scroll down a couple to Sasha! Many families have a heart to adopt children with down syndrome, but don't have the fiances for the huge cost! So, we are going to raise money any way we can, so that Sasha can have his own loving mommy, and caring papa.
All this even more to say, that I can't wait for the day, that when I experience the fear that accompanies God's call to action, I can overcome it with joy and anticipation knowing that God is pretty smart, knows what He's doing, and is in the business of blessing lives!
Ok so seriously, contact me if you want to donate to the sasha fund, please!!
*UPDATE! The next Wednesday I brought his picture to small group, and we each lifted him up in prayer. When we got home, he was adopted. Before I left, he wasn't.*
No comments:
Post a Comment